Kades illness and recovery changed everything forever. It will be 7 years this October that everything started to spin out of control.

Watch the video of Kades on set and progression of disease

https://thisisit.blog/2017/10/15/no-more-boxes/

I cannot speak for him, that is his own story that he may or may not tell one day. I have only walked beside him. I watched my son disappear before my eyes. I watched him lose control of his body and mind. As a parent it has taken me to the darkest of places, I have seen and experienced moments in life that I will never have words to describe. I have experienced moments that I will never speak about.

My brain struggles daily, I have ruminating thoughts and have constant conversations inside of my head every single day. Some times they are quietly in the background and other times they are so loud they cause me to lose focus on what’s going on around me. I can often appear inattentive and come across as rude. My attention span is short and I find it hard to relax and be at peace.

I never slept for what felt like years however this last year I have been able to sleep soundly. I am training my own bulldog as a therapy dog, at 11 months old Lola is doing her Silver and Gold KC awards and her therapy assessment next month.

I wanted to update on how Kade is doing as I have not written for a long time. Onion his assistance dog is ready for her assessment in the coming months, she just has to be two years old in order to sit her assistance dog exam. Kade passed his driving test and loves to go out and drive in his car. Being able to drive has opened up the world to him. He has also had his hair cut for the first time in 6 years. He looks how I always imagined he would, had he never been unwell.

Jay, Kades younger brother is 15 now and a typical teenager, I am proud of how he has delt with the last 7 years, not once has he complained about being left out, even though he missed out on a large chunk of his childhood. He’s smart, funny and deeply empathetic. He hates injustice and will stick up for others if they are being picked on at school.

For years and years I missed my son, he had become a different person to the one I knew and had envisioned growing up. Once he recieved IVIG (donor antibodies) to combat his immune system attacking his brain I could see parts of him coming back. It was as if he was just out of reach and I could not quite get close enough to help him.

We are all in a more settled place now. Physically and mentally Kade does amazingly well considering the trauma he has experienced. I used to feel ashamed that I thought my son was not fully the person that I had known before. When I would think about it, it made me feel as though I was insulting him. Until the day he went to the barbers and had his long hair that reached all the way down his back cropped short. I asked him how he felt about his new hair cut and he replied, “I’m still here mum, I’ve been gone for years but I’m back, I was always there.”