Quite something

I am happy. For the first time in the last five years I can say I am the happiest I have ever been. I still have days when I feel like I cannot keep fighting, but I will not ever give up and they are becoming less and less.

Kade was awarded PIP for the next five years. This gives me space and time. Space to breathe and time to deal with life. The last five years have shown me how dark and frightening life can become, yet taught me how incalculably incredible the smallest moments are. To see life from this angle is a blessing and a curse.

Our home is a happy one. Perhaps chaotic compared to most but this is our normal and I am proud of all of us. Kade has gained a place at college which is on the same site where I volunteer for SHIELD FIFE https://www.facebook.com/groups/shielduk.org/ a CIC set up by a friend of mine at the beginning of lock down in 2020. Sarah, Angela and I have a dynamic relationship that just keeps getting stronger, together we are making a change. There is a real community feel growing that reminds me of when I was younger, a feeling that had been lost over the years, it is warming to see it coming back.

Life is not simple but we take steps to make it easier. If you are running late who cares, what is late anyway. If you do not want to do something do not do it. Stop feeling obliged to do things to keep others happy. Speak up, say no and for fuck sake, stop feeling guilty. Even when someone you love is going through hell take time to rememeber that you are allowed to smile and feel happy, if not all the time, then sometimes, just let your self go.

Kades recovery continues in much the same way. It is up and down and all over the place. He is developing skills that he has missed out on over the years, his relationship with his brother is a close one. I could not ask for more. He adores Onion his bulldog. She brings out emotions in him that I have not seen in years. To get a glimpse of them is quite something.

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