You can’t catch me.

January through May were strange months. Kade was run down. Contracted infection after infection. Ear and urine. He developed molloscum. Complained of back pain and developed and awkward limp. My son was not 100% this entire time.

A healthy child, only ever sick once or twice a year, when the weather changed from hot to cold and vice versa. You could set your watch by it. That’s how well mothers know their own children. We know when something is off. We feel it right in the pit of our stomach. I knew by May something was drastically wrong.

It was my birthday the 8th of May 2016. We had a perfect day in St Andrews. The sun was blinding. We went with my mum and my younger son Jay. Watching them playing, running into the sea and climbing round the castle, I took the chance to talk to my mum. I raised my concerns with her as I did often. In my gut I felt something was off. Through out the day we could see him wincing, occasionally walking and running oddly. We concluded there was definitely something just not right.

Kade has never been one to complain you see, but you cannot hide pain when its right there in someone’s eyes. I could see it, as clear as the sun that day. My son was sick.

I have a video from that day. It is of both my boys. They are running into the sea as the waves crash upon the rocks, they are screaming and laughing with sheer joy. I did not know that day would be the last time. The last time I would see my son run into the waves. I did not know that by the end of May he would no longer be able to run at all.

I was watching my son falling. Head first into the abyss of a neurological disorder he went. It would rip through him. It was in the months to come that the monster would make a full appearance. Taking control of my sons body and mind, while I watched with horror, bracing my self to catch him as he fell.20160508_152433


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